You're Supposed To Be...

You are the ones self proclaiming to be intelligent professionals who care about our health and well-being. You say you want to lead and guide us to a happy and healthy life. You say you care for us. You are supposed to be someone we can trust. You are supposed to be honest with us about what foods are safe for us to consume. You are supposed to use your money to scientifically make sure we are eating as safe and healthy as we can. You are supposed to be honest and care more about the consumer than your money. You are selfish. You don't care about us. You make foolish assumptions and declarations that every American child, the second they turn one year old, is able to consume milk that God made for baby cows. Not humans. You are so good at what you do that we don't even question something that is so ridiculous as this. You are so selfish about making money that you don't even care that these innocent children are being tortured with health problems while you are making billions of dollars. I trusted you. I was foolish.

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You are supposed to be a medical professional. You went to school for years and years, promising to do all you could to help me keep my child healthy. You are supposed to be the one who reads all the medical books and studies. You are supposed to be the one to think outside the box and look at all the possible things causing a problem. You are the one who is supposed to listen to the mother's instincts and use all your thousands of dollars and years of schooling to take that mother's instinct and figure out what it means. You are supposed to care for our health and do everything in your power to figure out how to make us healthy. You are supposed to love our children and not want to see them in pain. All you care about is your paycheck and saying the first and easiest answer that comes to mind. You've wasted your thousands of dollars and years of schooling because you aren't doing what you promised to do. You aren't listening to the mothers with crying babies. You are supposed to be a doctor, but you're not. You are a selfish, lazy person who doesn't care about my child at all.

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I am so angry I could yell. I wish I could walk up to all my son's old pediatricians and slap them on the face and say "shame on you!"  I am so angry at our government and the FDA and all the inside money that floats back and forth controlling our lives! I'm so mad that they care more about their money than they do about their people. I am mad at myself for putting my trust in the doctors and food "professionals" instead of listening to my own motherly instincts. 

I was a first time mom. I read all the books I thought I needed to read. I breastfed my child until he weened himself at 7 months. Then I gave him formula until his 1st birthday. It was a celebration... a graduation... a happy day when he could drink the cow's milk I'd been drinking my whole life and loved. My little boy loved it. He wanted it always. He'd rather drink milk than eat solid foods. The doctors said it was okay, so long as he ate solid foods at least once a day. Four sippy cups full at night?.... no problem.  He wasn't showing any of the usual signs of intolerance or allergic reactions to milk so it couldn't possibly be the problem. Milk couldn't possibly be why he had trouble pooping... why he had a raw a bloody bottom... why my dear, sweet little baby screamed and cried and writhed in pain as though he was being tortured at every diaper change. I was told "this just happens".... "it's perfectly normal"...  "he'll grow out of it."  I begged and pleaded  for further testing to be done. I didn't know WHAT but I KNEW there was some way they could figure out what was wrong. I was told there was no need and to just wait it out. I studied and I studied and continued to ask if milk could be the problem. The doctor's turned their heads. I don't know if it was because I was at a military hospital where every decision is ultimately controlled by the government... the same people who control the FDA. It was like they were all working together to keep me in the dark, all because they wanted to make money and not spend it on frivolous medical tests that could possibly save a child's health. 

I am angry at society. American children are raised to not question, to not think, and to accept that their government and doctors know best. American children are taught that doctors who look at "alternative" medicines or thoughts are total whack jobs... weird... not to be trusted. American children are raised to trust the dishonest and question no one, even if it means putting their health or their children's health on the line. I am angry I fell for this and didn't question sooner. 

My child has suffered for four and a half years. My family has suffered. My relationships have suffered. All because I trusted people who I thought cared about my child's well being. I was foolish. It's not fair my child is going through this because of your selfishness! It's not fair my child has been confused, frustrated, and physically hurt by your stupidity. It's not fair that I've had to watch my child cry in pain over something that is supposed to be simple and easy. It's not fair that it took me FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of constantly searching to finally find a doctor who actually cares about my child, who cares to tell me the truth, who cares to do his job properly and help my child. It's not fair that because it took this long to find an honest professional my child has to suffer. 

We may have finally fixed my child's constipation problem. We may have done all the steps it takes to clean him out from four and a half years of build up. But now we have an entirely new problem. His body is damaged. His body is stressed and stretched and warped. It will take at least the same amount of time that caused the damage, and maybe up to twice as long for his body to go back to normal. This means for the next 4-8 years my child will continue to struggle, will continue to be confused, ashamed, sad, embarrassed. For the next 4-8 years my child will continue to unknowingly have poopy accidents at any given time. My child will have to keep extra underwear and wipes in his bag with him as he goes on to first, second, third, and fourth grade... He may even have to continue this for as long as eighth grade! He will be playing on the playground or running in a soccer game and will not even notice that his body has had an accident. Other kids will notice first. Other kids will make fun of him. He will stink. He will have to get sent home from school to get cleaned up. He will be teased. He will be embarrassed and cry and wonder why he is so different from the other kids. He will have to wear a "swim diaper" under his swimsuit when he goes in to pools. This is the life for my child because I trusted you. You were supposed to do what it is you declare to be doing. You were supposed to inform me. You were supposed to protect my children. Shame on you. I will forever hate you and distrust you and everything you say. I will forever look to other sources and continue to look and look until I find answers that satisfy my mother's instincts. I will not allow myself to be fooled again.